April 18, 2016: Destiny's Design

I sit in front of my laptop, looking
over my shoulder, fearing
you are there. 
He lays there, asleep on our couch, 
the couch I bought to replace
the one we stained with lust, torture
and blood-stained abuse. 

I lie awake in fear
that every now and then
I will miss you. 
How can I miss the monster
you brought out in me?

How can I miss the nights
of drinking and yelling
and screaming? 
You and I lied more times
to each other than I
have ever since. 

I lost friends because of you.

I almost lost my family. 

I met the lowest point
in my life and I
let him scar me, permanently. 

I am more in love with the man
who shares his couch, bed,
dreams, desires, life with me
than I ever had been with
anybody else. 

Destiny may have made a fool
of me, but it also helped
me to not turn a blind eye
to the possibility of being happy
once more for a lifetime. 

 

Written by Amanda B Hansen
2016 April 18